A joke's a joke...

But, seriously, why does it have to happen to me?

I receive a call this morning from a woman who wanted to make an appointment for next week to speak with a Private Investigator.

"Righto", I said. Would she like me to meet her at her place or somewhere else that is convenient?

"No", she replied. She wanted to meet at my offices.

Luckily, I have a new office (of sorts), so I gave her the address and then it all went horribly wrong...

An offer I can't refuse...?

I've recently had an enquiry that starts out innocently enough: locate the current whereabouts of a woman who is believed to have entered the country with her child, in contravention of a Court Order from her country of origin in favour of her ex-husband's custody of the child.

I say "starts out innocently enough" because I was contacted by a Russian Tractor Factory on behalf of the father as he is a major client of theirs.

Call me uncharitable, but while this Tractor Factory is most likely entirely legitimate and above-board, the very first thing that comes to mind is the Rossiyskaya Mafiya (Рoссийская мафия).

Harsh!

Did you hear the one about the lawyer...?

So, a lawyer drives into the back of my car.

True story!

*sigh*

Deemed a 'no fault' accident as we were both reversing. Even though I saw him and stopped while he continued.

Oh well, at least insurance covers it.

Like sands through the hourglass...

Guess who called today requesting we meet next week to discuss her case?

Gladys!

I wonder if the sound of me repeatedly smacking my head against the brick wall was discernable from her end of the line?

Rather charitably (but that's just the kind of guy I am), I suggested that she call me next week - the day before the proposed meeting - to confirm her attendance.

Poll is now open. Will Gladys keep the appointment or will she cancel at last minute? Again.

Pants on Fire #2

Some people are really so stupid, they make dirt look smart.

I had a repo job that the client'd been hounding me to get done for ages. Deadbeat debtor had been moving from one town to the next, and every time they find her current whereabouts, she'd always had a bunch of excuses. Now the'd found a new address for her.

You know how much I hate doing repos. This pretty much sums up why.

Monday WTF Files #1: Lies, Damned Lies, & Statistics

So there I was, just looking through Google Analytics to see what brings visitors to my blog, when I see that I had two (2) visitors this month who came to my site when searching for:

...wait for it...