PI Mailbag - Answering Your Questions (or your money back)*

I recently received a query from a reader that I felt was worth sharing with everyone, since it's a topic that deserves some thought and even input from other readers.

That would be you.

Interesting but a little depressing

I've just had a look at some statistics and have learned that my totally anonymous blog gets around 3.5 times the traffic that my not anonymous at all business website does.

The one where I try to actually, like, get clients and (eventually) money from...

Colour me bemused.

Don't worry, I'm not about to go out and cut myself over it. Or someone else.

Oh I am so going to that Special Hell

Perhaps I'm just getting too jaded and too cynical.

So there I was, braving the crowds at a local shopping mall, taking a look at the closing down 3-for-2 sale at Borders, when I noticed a reduced to sell copy of the book 'Madeleine' by Kate McCann.

But, seriously, what I actually saw was this...

A sneak peek into the high-risk, action-packed world of...

 

 ...Fraud Investigations? Seriously?

Well, it's reality TV so it must be true.

Happiness is.....?

An open door. Or at least a lock that will open.

Recently it was my birthday. You didn't have to get me anything, which is just as well as you didn't.

That's okay, I bought myself a few tools instead - mainly to replace ones I had lost recently. And one of my first purchases was the Peterson 'Government Elite' lockpick set.

As I have mentioned previously, there are some very limited circumstances where I have the legal right to enter a premises - whether or not the occupants are there. Rather than calling out a locksmith, or beaking a window, I generally resort to picking a lock.

Or at least trying to.

Reaction time is a factor in this so please pay attention

"Describe, in simple words, only the good things that come into your mind. About your mother."

If being a PI has taught me nothing else, it's this Single Truth of Human Nature: people lie. And, being a PI, people lie to me.

A lot.

They do it for all sorts of reasons, some nefarious, others not. Sometimes people lie because they think it's what a friend should do.

Remember Crystal?

#ethicalpi?

If you have been following the current News of the World saga, you may have heard about Jonathon Rees, PI extraordinaire. 

If you haven't, and even if you have, you really should read this article on Rees published in the Guardian.

I stand amazed at his impressive accomplishments -

Why me?

Tyre kickers.

For those of you unfamiliar with this term, it is in reference to someone who, with no real intention of procuring your goods or services, will waste a great deal of your time and energy sounding you out in order to obtain as much free advice as possible.

You may recall, I actually started this blog over a year ago after receiving this sort of run-around from The Crack Whore - Part 1 (Part 2 and Part 3).

As with Gladys (not her real name), pictured. Well, seeing that I've not actually met her in person, this is a close approximation of her appearance cleverly deduced from our recent phone conversations.

Refusal may offend

I love language, with all its nuances, subtleties, and hidden meanings. And I love how some people will do their damnedest not to call a spade a spade, even to the last.

Let's take Crystal (most assuredly not her real name), who is currently the subject of an investigation regarding some irregularities around an insurance claim.